Deployment Diaries: How to Go Weeks Without Speaking to Your SO

Every deployment and situation is different. You may go through a deployment and have decent communication the whole way through or there could be periods of time where you haven’t received any kind of communication for weeks or maybe months.

It would be an understatement to say that going with no emails or phone calls is hard. It’s hell. I had no idea if he was okay, I missed his voice, I missed telling him about my day and his advice, I missed hearing about his day and I hated that I couldn’t comfort him or celebrate his successes.

It’s a test of your patience and of your relationship but there are ways to make it through.

You Are Not Naive For Being a MILSO

I’ve heard it at least three times since I came back from Hawaii…how silly or naive I am for being a military significant other. I started a new job at a bar to make a little extra cash and wore my new Navy hoodie I got in Hawaii. A man, who I had met one other time, asked me with enthusiasm who I knew in the Navy while I was counting some money. I piped up, excited and said, “My boyfriend!” and his expression instantly changed. The brightness vanished. He just replied with, “Oh” and went on talking to someone else sitting next to him.

I stood there honestly confused, money held idly in my hands. What just happened?  I kept wondering if maybe his reaction would have been different if I said my cousin or sibling was in the Navy instead. I couldn’t figure out why my boyfriend being in the military was so different.

Six Tips to Surviving the First Underway

*For the safety of my sailor and his boat, there are no dates, locations or names posted. The article has been written and posted after his underway was long done and over.  OPSEC for the win.

I have been very fortunate in the fact that, for the first two years of this adventure, I have been able to speak to my sailor on the daily minus bootcamp of course. I actually forgot what it was like to not speak to him for more than 24 hours. After he graduated from all of his schooling, he came home for a month of leave, left for his first duty station and shortly after came the first underway. For those of you that don’t know, underways are like mini deployments that only last maybe a month or two at most.

This was like bootcamp all over again. And it sucked. He said his goodbyes over text to me and that was it. So began the first underway.

Seven Ways to Help Alleviate the Fear of Being Cheated On

I hear all the stories. The ones where a sailor comes home and the house that once held his valuables, his life and his wife is now completely vacant. The girl who waited at home and kept the house and kids up and running for months at a time finds out her deployed husband cheated. I have even heard recently that women wait at ports to try and persuade military men into sleeping with them.

*Shudders*

To Tell or Not to Tell Your SO the Hard Stuff

I struggle with this question every so often. Do I tell Taylor about something or will it be an unnecessary frustration to him? I know the Navy is no walk in the park and it consumes a majority of him. Being so far away there isn’t much he can do about things back home anyway. I never want to cause him unnecessary distress.
Normally, I don’t really tell Taylor when I get cat called or some random guy hits me up on Facebook. I simply tell them to kindly screw off and they leave. Rarely do these things happen anyway considering my whole Facebook is filled with Taylor and no cat call ever really leads to anything. These things are unnecessary hassles.

However, trust is a key foundation to any relationship so sometimes it’s necessary. Sometimes bigger things than a random Facebook message or cat call happen. A couple nights ago I got some really unwanted, unwarranted attention from an acquaintance that I was friends with on Facebook due to my job.

Guest Post: How to Spend Quality Time, Even From Miles Away

Whether you share the same address or are separated by distance, quality time is essential for any relationship. Those who experience the joys and challenges of a long-distance relationship know all too well the difficulty of spending time with one another from miles away.

The key to spending time together in a long-distance relationship is to shift how you interact. Learning how to spend quality time, even from miles away, is an important aspect of closing the gap of distance to feel connected.

Book Review: Five Military Love Languages by Gary Chapman

When me and Taylor first started dating it was all rainbows and roses. Gifts were regularly sent to my house. Our letters to each other seemed like they were taken out of your favorite romance novel or movie. I woke up every morning to at least a three page text with words of how wonderful of a human being I am and how in love he is with me.

Then life started to set in and there went our “honeymoon” phase. No more random gifts and no gifts for even Valentine’s Day. The random cards in the mail started to dwindle. The long texts became just a few words.

When Your SO Is Stationed Somewhere You Don’t Want

I was about to start teaching the first kickboxing class of the night when I got a text from Taylor saying, “Guess what?!”. I replied back with the usual, “What??!!” and waited for a response.

I walked up to the small black ledge in the corner of our studio where today’s workout is posted. I placed my phone on the ledge covered with old coffee stains and went to scan over the day’s work out when my phone buzzed.

I grabbed it and looked really quick, curious as to what Taylor was excited about…and then my heart dropped into my stomach.

Not the good kind of dropped either. Like the I’m going to puke kind. The “I really wish I had a time machine so I can go back and choose not to read that” kind.

I placed, or rather tossed my phone, back down on the old coffee stains and turned on to the mat and tried to be as happy and pleasant as I could for the members trying to take class. I didn’t think about what I read.

Minimalism And The Military Girlfriend

I stopped whole heartedly believing in God when my grandma died. I couldn’t understand how a being that apparently loved me so much would rip away one of the most important people in my life and in such a horrific manner at that. Now, don’t get me wrong, I still believe in some Christian teachings and I do believe in a higher power…just not quite sure if it’s what I originally thought “God” to be. I’m not sure I can call myself a full Episcopalian like I once was able to.

The Horrors of My Boyfriend’s 12-hour Shifts and How I Deal With Them

….I have a phone full of these kinds of messages. The only time Taylor has a chance to talk is late at night but I have to go to sleep early because I wake up early to go to work. I text Taylor for maybe 30 minutes in the morning and then I get the message that he is leaving for work.

Now, don’t get me wrong, he is very sweet in telling me to have a good day and reminding me that I’m loved everyday. I like that about him but I absolutely hate getting these messages because I know what it means: another 12 hours of not talking.

…Which really sucks. He’s my best friend and all this stuff in my life is happening and I’m sure he has a lot on his mind and I can’t tell him any of it because he is always gone. This frustrates me, infuriates me at times even. But over the past few months, I have learned a thing or two about dealing with this…